sloppybuddhist

USPS Postal Exam number

In Age, Alberta, Black and White Photography, Body, Buddhist philosophical concepts, by Hedy Bach, Canada, Emotion, Foto, FujiX100s, Hedy Bach Photography, Imagemaker, Lifestyle, Paramahansa Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi, Photography, Reflection, Truth, Women and Fiction, Writing on 2016/06/19 at 05:00

According to Buddha

Suffering is a good teacher to those who are quick and willing to learn from it. But it becomes a tyrant to those who resist and resent.

Hedy Bach Photography

june 19, 2016
dearest dad

it’s father’s day. you’re in the foothills hospital. you’ve been in care with alberta health services since march 17th 2016…

and the…

professor of neurosurgery said
“your father is as strong as a bull…”
i said
wrong

nurse practitioner said
“your father doesn’t need to return to our clinic…”
i said
wrong

md looking at x-ray said
“it’s on the wrong side…your father was prematurely released by a resident doctor without looking at the tests…i’m sorry…”
i said
wrong

clinical and surgical assistant said
“your father will need a ‘relocation’ surgery…”
i said
wrong

md said
“your father will have another 5 years…”
i said
wrong

clinical and surgical assistant said
“here’s my personal number i’ll check on your father every day…”
i said
wrong

nurse said
“if you want to see a doctor from the adult hydrocephalus clinic i suggest you come before their rounds…anytime after 6am…”
i said
wrong

nurse said
“why are you here?…so sorry…”
i said
wrong

food server points at the breakfast tray and said
“here’s your father’s breakfast
i said
wrong

resident doctor said
“oh really?…i’ll make sure the team’s nurse practitioner is here at 10am…”
i said
wrong

nurse said
“well no one from the team can meet you now…sorry…”
i said
wrong

patient care manager said
“write or phone in your concerns about what has happened to your father to our patient relations department…again, i’m so sorry…”
i said
wrong

nurse practitioner said
“does your father walk?…”
i said
wrong

nurse said
“oh your father will be in long term care…”
i said
wrong

nurse practitioner said
“your father will use the elevator when he leaves here…”
i said
wrong

nurse practitioner said
“your father had another stroke last week…the team came in…so let’s do another stunt study…then we’ll get a geriatrician…ok?”
i said
wrong

caretaker said
how’s your papa?

i cry*

i said
wrong (too long)

by the wrong means
it was the wrong plan
in the wrong hands
the wrong theory
the wrong questions
with the wrong replies
wrong
wrong

***

day #90 (2 months and 29 days),  Foothills Medical Centre, Calgary, Alberta June 2016.

(* for my Father, Mother, and sister)

  1. i can understand your feelings… hope some day things will be a little bit more ‘right’
    big hug

  2. Another hug….take care, Hedy.

  3. Take care of yourself! *hugs*

  4. Powerful, Hedy; I’ve been somewhere quite similar, I think. We can be thankful for those such as the caretaker, at least, for their direct empathy, their ability to touch on what really counts in the moment.

    • Hariod my Dad taught me a lot about the about working within “institutions” and i have always found the caretakers to be the best listeners…they watch…and he is a wonderful being…i’ll see him this week again 😀 and yes living hard stories is also part of our narrative threads…there are caring people…systemic divisions are always fascinating…until you’re caught in the web…but we will make sense of this too 😀 thank you for your comment ❤

  5. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this. Father’s day can be painful. I know that all too well. My heart goes out to you. ❤ It's a beautiful picture with the baby.

    • thank you for your comment Raven i know others also live these stories…i witness them 😦 … many lonely people linger in hospitals…my heart always feels heavy for ‘all’ BUT this was a wonderful joyful moment watching my Dad touching our little grandson’s head…a very tender moment…a moment that meant a lot to me…a photograph as a marker of time…i don’t know…but it was a beautiful moment Raven… 😀 ❤

  6. It is sad when healthcare happens in this way. I guess “healthcare” does not exactly apply here. It’s difficult when nobody will accept personal responsibility.

    • ahhhhh that’s why i did my sloppy post 😀 …it was sunday plus father’s day plus i needed to write my concerns…sort of “killed two birds with one stone” 😀 i’m jaded about institutions and learned naming/shaming/blaming never works…our healthcare system in my hedy opinion is unable to function in a normal way…but then i trouble myself with what is ‘normal’? i see this all as a science experiment…i don’t know…i imagine something very different…hope life is treating you well with your adventures…will visit your blog! 😀

  7. My thoughts are with you Hedy. Stay strong for your father as well as yourself. I wish him a Happy Fathers Day.

    • he had many visitors…i’ll head back down in a day…every day seems like father’s day 😀 he’s a good man…easy to advocate for because he is ever thankful…and he tells us ❤ thank you for your comment and you have a good day Terry!

  8. ‘But it becomes a tyrant to those who resist and resent.’
    agreed

    • yes “it” i do think a lot about who decides what suffering is/feels like /looks like…etc…mostly i think about who “owns” my body…and how i would imagine releasing from this human suit…but i have a lot to do yet! that Buddha does make me think too…smiles Gavin 😀 compose a happy day! ❤

  9. Thinking about you. Hope things improve soon.

    • thank you kindly Richard 😀 stomping my feet feels like it works a little…learning the discourse of the artificial divisions…along with some blunt words and eye rolling…i’ll keep at it…my Dad taught me that too 😀

  10. Oh Hedy, what a time for you and your dad. I hope things have improved. Big hug.
    Alison

    • it’s been long…and the word long term is now being used…so lots of changes…but this photo will remain a positive image…seeing his great grandson brought him much joy! it was beautiful…thank you kindly Alison ❤

  11. A beautifully touching image and poem, Hedy, and a microcosm of life for so many I’m afraid. It seems to me some days that wrong is built into the system. It is somehow housed, clothed and fed in and by the very apparatus meant to eradicate it. The beings in there, too, have great difficulty fending off the wrong, and when it arrives at our own doorstep it is almost too much to admit. I am truly sorry and hope the fresh air of peace blows through the window many more times, as it did on this day you have captured…

    Peace
    Michael

    • Appreciated Michael ☺️ and yes it is a microcosm…with enormous distraction and artificial divisions…can’t imagine working at/in the walls of Alberta hospitals…I believe nothing will change…and I’ve lost trust in the system…perhaps, if healthcare was dismantled pass the foundations a new imaging could emerge…I imagine a very different way of working within an ethic of care for “all”…a wise loved one reminded me…Patience is a virtue…’The elderly can be so heroic in their patience despite all their suffering and loss.’…I find much of what I witness necessarily troubling…I want to believe fresh air can blow in 😀 big hugs and sending you joy! ❤

  12. I’m sorry
    I don’t have any
    right
    responses
    ~
    my heart
    is listening
    to yours though
    ~
    take care

    • Geo Sans i appreciate your kind and thoughtful words…thank you ~ i do take care of me…as i work to stay bright and light…compose a lovely day ~ smiles hedy

  13. So sorry you are going through this, Hedy. A moving portrait to accompany your powerful words.

    • thank you Jane…it was a healing post for me to compose ☺️ felt very right in that moment…now we move into another chapter…wishing you a happy day ~ smiles Hedy

  14. Sending my hugs, too, Hedy. x o x

  15. I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I hope everything will go better. The photography is very touching, as well as positive with a beautiful grandfather-grandchild love link. My best wishes for you and your family.
    Marianne

    • Moving him to hospice care…it’s been difficult Marianne…I’ve been holding space for my father that’s all I can do now…hold his hand and tell him what an amazing father and husband he’s been…I love my Dad a lot…so advocating in a system is tough as you know 🤓 but I’m satisfied…and learning along the way…hugs from Calgary xo

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